Scroll down to read our stories. Some have opted to stay anonymous.
3 to 2, My story
After years of infertility, we discovered our only means to get pregnant was through IVF. We have what's called "unexplained" infertility. Meaning after all the tests, cycles, IUI's, and numerous dollars spent our specialist couldn't find one thing wrong with us. He was clueless as to why we were unable to conceive a child on our own. We could go through years of waiting and background checks to adopt a child, or we could try IVF. Wanting to carry a child of our own, we opted for IVF. Everything went great! We had 29 embryos, 27 made it to day 3 and the 2 best looking ones were transferred, while we froze the rest. 2 weeks later a blood test revealed the 2 they transferred did not take. To say we were heartbroken was an understatement. A few months later we decided to thaw some of the frozen embryos and try again. 6 were pulled, and 4 made the thawing process. We decided to put all 4 back (taking a HUGE chance) and discovered 2 took. The pregnancy was uneventful until the 20 week ultrasound showed we were having b/g twins, but our daughter had a fatal birth defect. I carried them another 13 weeks. At 33 weeks my water broke and I gave birth to our twins. Our daughter lived for almost 6 hours.
A year later, and knowing we wanted more than 1 child, we made the decision to thaw more embryos. This time 4 were thawed and 3 made it. Taking another chance at multiples, we put all 3 back. 2 weeks later we found out we were pregnant, and an ultrasound showed 1 healthy looking baby. When that child was just over 2 years old we opted to "try one more time". We figured a family of 3 children would be perfect. This time 3 embryos were thawed and all 3 made it. One was "questionable" as it was not growing in the lab like the other 2. Infact, it had not grown at all in the 24 hours it was there. The Dr. made the decision to put all 3 back. This decision, which we agreed with, was based partially on our history. 2-no baby. 4-2 babies. 3-1 baby. and based partially on the fact that the one wasn't growing. So at best we had 2 embryos. I was sad. Given my history, and knowing this was our last try, I didn't think any would take. A week later a pregnancy test showed I was pregnant. I went in for a blood test and it was confirmed. I had no odd symptoms, and everything seemed great. Until the ultrasound. all 3 took! I cried. How could all 3 take. Given my history with multiples, how early would I have these ones? Would they all make it? What obstacles would they have to overcome in their life? What would this do to my older children? How can I take care of them, when I'm constantly running 1 or 3 to Dr's for whatever may be needed. We have no family in the area that can help. I already buried one child. I cannot go down that road again. I don't think I would ever come back from that. How would not having a mom be fair to my other kids.
We made the decision to reduce 3:2. This was not made lightly. It was made after lots of tears, agony, heartbreak and some anger. The anger comes from being in the position that we were in. Regardless if we chose to reduce or not. To take a chance at your children's well-being, your own well-being and that of the rest of your family. I do not blame my Dr. IVF is not an exact science. If it were, everyone would only transfer 1 embryo, and have 1 baby. The days leading up to the procedure, the procedure itself, and afterwards were emotionally draining. To actually wrap your head around what you are about to do, is hard. We knew no matter what we chose carried risks. Carry all 3, and risk losing 1,2 or 3. Risk having them too premature and fighting for their lives. Risk lifelong ailments due to any of these scenarios. Reduce and reduce those risks to the remaining children. In our eyes, either way we were losing a child. However, we can say from experience to hold your child, watch her suffer and die in your arms is by far worse. Some may say that, that is a risk they are willing to take. I say to them, good for you! Do absolutely everything in your power to make that dream come true! This day and age a lot of triplets are born healthy (with NICU stays of course). Search the internet, it seems just as many are lost too. Which side are you comfortable being on?
Reduction is a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. Everyone who hears it thinks "you aborted because you didn't want...." when that is further from the truth. If someone could have shown me a glimpse into my future and it included 3 additional healthy babies running around, we would have had all 3. However, no one can see into the future. You do what you believe is right at the time. Part of being a parent is making hard choices in the best interest of your children. I think about that 3rd baby a lot. Because of what we did we have 2 beautiful healthy babies. Yes, we could have 3. But ask yourself this...if you are a parent look at one of your children. Now imagine attending that child's' funeral. As stated before, we couldn't go down that path.
A year later, and knowing we wanted more than 1 child, we made the decision to thaw more embryos. This time 4 were thawed and 3 made it. Taking another chance at multiples, we put all 3 back. 2 weeks later we found out we were pregnant, and an ultrasound showed 1 healthy looking baby. When that child was just over 2 years old we opted to "try one more time". We figured a family of 3 children would be perfect. This time 3 embryos were thawed and all 3 made it. One was "questionable" as it was not growing in the lab like the other 2. Infact, it had not grown at all in the 24 hours it was there. The Dr. made the decision to put all 3 back. This decision, which we agreed with, was based partially on our history. 2-no baby. 4-2 babies. 3-1 baby. and based partially on the fact that the one wasn't growing. So at best we had 2 embryos. I was sad. Given my history, and knowing this was our last try, I didn't think any would take. A week later a pregnancy test showed I was pregnant. I went in for a blood test and it was confirmed. I had no odd symptoms, and everything seemed great. Until the ultrasound. all 3 took! I cried. How could all 3 take. Given my history with multiples, how early would I have these ones? Would they all make it? What obstacles would they have to overcome in their life? What would this do to my older children? How can I take care of them, when I'm constantly running 1 or 3 to Dr's for whatever may be needed. We have no family in the area that can help. I already buried one child. I cannot go down that road again. I don't think I would ever come back from that. How would not having a mom be fair to my other kids.
We made the decision to reduce 3:2. This was not made lightly. It was made after lots of tears, agony, heartbreak and some anger. The anger comes from being in the position that we were in. Regardless if we chose to reduce or not. To take a chance at your children's well-being, your own well-being and that of the rest of your family. I do not blame my Dr. IVF is not an exact science. If it were, everyone would only transfer 1 embryo, and have 1 baby. The days leading up to the procedure, the procedure itself, and afterwards were emotionally draining. To actually wrap your head around what you are about to do, is hard. We knew no matter what we chose carried risks. Carry all 3, and risk losing 1,2 or 3. Risk having them too premature and fighting for their lives. Risk lifelong ailments due to any of these scenarios. Reduce and reduce those risks to the remaining children. In our eyes, either way we were losing a child. However, we can say from experience to hold your child, watch her suffer and die in your arms is by far worse. Some may say that, that is a risk they are willing to take. I say to them, good for you! Do absolutely everything in your power to make that dream come true! This day and age a lot of triplets are born healthy (with NICU stays of course). Search the internet, it seems just as many are lost too. Which side are you comfortable being on?
Reduction is a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. Everyone who hears it thinks "you aborted because you didn't want...." when that is further from the truth. If someone could have shown me a glimpse into my future and it included 3 additional healthy babies running around, we would have had all 3. However, no one can see into the future. You do what you believe is right at the time. Part of being a parent is making hard choices in the best interest of your children. I think about that 3rd baby a lot. Because of what we did we have 2 beautiful healthy babies. Yes, we could have 3. But ask yourself this...if you are a parent look at one of your children. Now imagine attending that child's' funeral. As stated before, we couldn't go down that path.
Loss after Reduction, my story
Getting Pregnant, Easy? I would have to say otherwise… I remember the day in 2009 when my fiancé at the time and I agreed that after our wedding in July that year we would try to have a baby! A baby, yeah… be pregnant by September, new baby in 2010 and finally have a “family”. My life was going to be perfect, all I needed to do was have unprotected sex with my husband ( which was going to be fun and exciting) and bam a baby would be conceived. WOW was I ever naive. After about 6 months of trying ( only 30 years old, so not over that threshold yet), I decided to go talk to the doctor as it wasn’t happening yet – what was wrong? Why couldn’t I get pregnant? The doctor told me not to worry it will happen, I am young and healthy but he was going to do some blood work to make sure my hormones were ok. So, I walked out of the office thrilled as I was going to have some testing ( which came back eventually as perfect ), but the doctor thought it would happen soon. I couldn’t wait to be pregnant. A couple of more months went by and still no positive pregnancy test, after buying a crap load off of this website I found online – as I was becoming a pee on stick addict, I talked to a friend who was charting her basal temperatures and also using opk’s. This conversation then enlightened me a little more, and took me out of the no baby funk mood, as yet again I thought to myself ok “all I need to do is pinpoint exactly when I will be ovulating” and wham I will be with child ( which I hate that expression). Yet again, I was wrong … back to the doctor I go… Where he told me that he would finally send me to an OBGYN ( as you need to be referred in Canada – you can’t just call and get an appointment). The countdown now wasn’t for the day I could pull out a pregnancy test, it was till my appointment with the OBGYN. 4 months went by and I finally saw this doctor, who at this point in my eyes was going to get me pregnant next month with no issues or complications, he told us that we had what was “unexplained infertility”, and he could do the following: 1) HSG test - which I have to say is not fun and quite embarrassing. I was laying on a table with my legs bunched up like a frog while I had 2 doctors ( one being a student ) watching the dye go through my tubes. After this test you are supposed to be very fertile for 3 months, but again not me! 2) Laparoscopy time it was which nothing was found. My organs and baby making tools were perfect. 3) Clomid – the horrid mood swinging drug that made me feel like I was walking on eggshells all the time scared of what was going to come out of my mouth! BUT 24 days before we had our initial IVF appointment, and 2nd month of clomid – I was PREGNANT!!!! Only 41 cycles it took to conceive my precious son!!! Was I excited, scared, nervous yes.. but hey I was going to be a MOM!!!
Fast forward to February 2013, the discussion between my husband and I about having a 2nd child occurred. We decided to try naturally for 3 cycles then take Clomid again ( after advice from our OBGYN). 3 cycles past and it didn’t work, onto clomid we went. WAIT it took 41 cycles last time to have my son and 4 this time!!! I WAS PREGNANT!!!! Beyond thrilled and excited, I only had to go back to work for 9 months and I would be off again for a year taking care of our newborn and my 2 year old! I couldn’t wait… My family is going to be complete!
Because we used clomid, the doctors wanted to take an early ultrasound. Of course I said, I get to see my baby. At 7 weeks pregnant my husband and I are on our way to the hospital to have our ultrasound. It only took a few minutes and then the tech called my husband in. She said to us that day ( and I will never forget), You have 3 babies!!!! She was extremely excited as she has never seen this before. I busted into tears immediately and my husband’s face went directly into his hands. We were not happy, shocked and were at a loss. You see, I am petite person, and had issues carrying my son due to “lack of room” … Successfully carrying 3 babies was not a question – It wasn’t going to happen. It was the quietest drive home from the hospital that day, as we didn’t know what to say to each other at all. I called the obgyn and the mfm doctor when I arrived at home to let them know that there was triplets and that I was extremely scared. A few days later we went to our first appointment with the mfm doctor who told us that the outcome of carrying 3 would not be a good one for me or the babies. She discussed our options with us, one being selective reduction. To be honest I had no idea at the time this was even an option. I knew that something could be done but how or why or any of that I was clueless. When I got home that night, I started to research ( like we all do, I mean isn’t dr google the best). This is when I found mother-to-one and Thank God for her and the group she has created. She was able to connect me with ladies who have gone through this, that know what I am feeling ( angry, sad, happy, angry, extremely pissed, happy, scared).
Our next ultrasound and another appointment with the mfm doctor was coming up, the hubby and I had decided to carry 1 baby so at this time it meant reducing 2 fetuses. At 9 weeks preggo, we walked into the appointment and found out that we had already lost one fetus at 8 weeks 3 days ( just stopped developing). The decision then became that we were still going to reduce to one baby, as the complications with my son were there previously and I did not want to be put on bed rest or anything as I had a 15 month old at home that I also had to be a mother too. Missing out on his daily life, expect for hospital visits, was not acceptable to me.
July 3rd 2013, we were schedule to travel 1.5 hours from home to meet the MFM doc who was going to perform the reduction. I was a mess driving but felt better when we arrived. She took us into her room, performed an ultrasound and then gave us the risks. She also sat us down and tried to convince us NOT to have the reduction done , as the pros outweighed the cons. Her last comment to us was she wasn’t going to perform the reduction that day, as she wanted to give us time to think about it. I couldn’t even say a word to her. I went there that day to have the procedure done and to walk out being pregnant with a singleton…. NOW she wasn’t going to do it as she wanted us to think about it.. HMMM I have been pregnant now for 12 weeks, I have thought about it. Actually it is ALL I think about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! July 5th, we hopped in the car again and travelled back to the hospital. We met with the doctor before she performed the reduction and my instinct about reducing was right… baby C had 1 in 24 chances of having Trisomy 18. I was doing the right thing and she finally said the same. The procedure itself took only a couple of minutes and wasn’t to painful at all ( a lot less than I thought). When all was said and done, my hubby and I went on a mini shopping spree to buy me some much needed maternity clothes and finally today I was pregnant and excited.. No more tears, no more sadness and I was going to have this baby in January 2014… I couldn’t wait.
3 days after the reduction, I was sitting at work and started to shake uncontrollably.. I thought I was cold so I went home at lunch and got a sweater ( mind you this was in July…) but it wasn’t helping. I called my husband at work and asked him to meet me at the hospital as I didn’t feel right. After hours of waiting, they told me I had a blood bacterial infection and it was caused from the reduction. You remember me telling you about the ladies from the group that the ladies had created, while they told me to get antibiotics from the MFM doc after the procedure but she doesn’t believe you need them so I went along with her… Who knew right, I am not a doctor and I trusted her. WELL she should have gave them to me, as I was in the hospital for 4.5 days hooked up to an IV of antibiotics then 10 days of antibiotics when I was released. My advice to you if you are going through a reduction, get the ANTIBOTICS!!!!!!!!!! IT CANT HURT YOU! FIGHT TO GET THEM!
A week passed, he was growing ( yep it is a boy!) and the heart beat was strong.. then I wiped after using the washroom and saw blood.. .WTH, you aren’t supposed to have blood… wait the MFM doc said I could bleed a bit after the procedure… OK we were OK… Well was I wrong again. That week after 2 ultrasounds, and 3 doctors’ appointments, long nights and contractions I ended up miscarrying baby a ( which we lost naturally ) and baby c (reduced baby). Baby B, my sweet precious little boy got through all this though and was still growing and had a strong heart beat. Not to mention ACTIVE – I think somersaults were his favorite.
July 29th, 2013 – Ultrasound day… walking into the room excited and coming out devastated. I was told that I was going to miscarry my sweet baby boy. He had hardly any fluid left in the placenta and was not active plus his heart beat had lowered considerably. The sadness I was feeling was overwhelming and I had no idea what I was going to do. I got home from the appointment and within an hour my water broke. I had my husband come home from work immediately. All I could say to him was that I was broken, just broken . I couldn’t handle anymore hurdles to try to jump and I needed him to make the decisions. At 7PM we went to the hospital in the labour and delivery ward where we ended up being induced the next morning, giving birth to our sweet precious little baby boy on July 31st at 5:30AM. Worst day of my ENTIRE life.
Although I still grieve the loss of my baby, I am stronger today…
6 weeks after the miscarriage, we went to our follow up appointment with our OBGYN. Come to find out the blood bacterial infection I had was in my uterus. That is right, if the MFM doctor who performed the procedure gave me a prescription for antibiotics, this may have been avoided! I can’t go back to the what if’s, but I hope that my story makes you realize how important it is… It doesn’t cost the doctor anything, so why not?
Sincerely,
I will be a mama of 2 someday
New Brunswick, Canada
**UPDATE, she is now the mom of 2!!!!!**
Fast forward to February 2013, the discussion between my husband and I about having a 2nd child occurred. We decided to try naturally for 3 cycles then take Clomid again ( after advice from our OBGYN). 3 cycles past and it didn’t work, onto clomid we went. WAIT it took 41 cycles last time to have my son and 4 this time!!! I WAS PREGNANT!!!! Beyond thrilled and excited, I only had to go back to work for 9 months and I would be off again for a year taking care of our newborn and my 2 year old! I couldn’t wait… My family is going to be complete!
Because we used clomid, the doctors wanted to take an early ultrasound. Of course I said, I get to see my baby. At 7 weeks pregnant my husband and I are on our way to the hospital to have our ultrasound. It only took a few minutes and then the tech called my husband in. She said to us that day ( and I will never forget), You have 3 babies!!!! She was extremely excited as she has never seen this before. I busted into tears immediately and my husband’s face went directly into his hands. We were not happy, shocked and were at a loss. You see, I am petite person, and had issues carrying my son due to “lack of room” … Successfully carrying 3 babies was not a question – It wasn’t going to happen. It was the quietest drive home from the hospital that day, as we didn’t know what to say to each other at all. I called the obgyn and the mfm doctor when I arrived at home to let them know that there was triplets and that I was extremely scared. A few days later we went to our first appointment with the mfm doctor who told us that the outcome of carrying 3 would not be a good one for me or the babies. She discussed our options with us, one being selective reduction. To be honest I had no idea at the time this was even an option. I knew that something could be done but how or why or any of that I was clueless. When I got home that night, I started to research ( like we all do, I mean isn’t dr google the best). This is when I found mother-to-one and Thank God for her and the group she has created. She was able to connect me with ladies who have gone through this, that know what I am feeling ( angry, sad, happy, angry, extremely pissed, happy, scared).
Our next ultrasound and another appointment with the mfm doctor was coming up, the hubby and I had decided to carry 1 baby so at this time it meant reducing 2 fetuses. At 9 weeks preggo, we walked into the appointment and found out that we had already lost one fetus at 8 weeks 3 days ( just stopped developing). The decision then became that we were still going to reduce to one baby, as the complications with my son were there previously and I did not want to be put on bed rest or anything as I had a 15 month old at home that I also had to be a mother too. Missing out on his daily life, expect for hospital visits, was not acceptable to me.
July 3rd 2013, we were schedule to travel 1.5 hours from home to meet the MFM doc who was going to perform the reduction. I was a mess driving but felt better when we arrived. She took us into her room, performed an ultrasound and then gave us the risks. She also sat us down and tried to convince us NOT to have the reduction done , as the pros outweighed the cons. Her last comment to us was she wasn’t going to perform the reduction that day, as she wanted to give us time to think about it. I couldn’t even say a word to her. I went there that day to have the procedure done and to walk out being pregnant with a singleton…. NOW she wasn’t going to do it as she wanted us to think about it.. HMMM I have been pregnant now for 12 weeks, I have thought about it. Actually it is ALL I think about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! July 5th, we hopped in the car again and travelled back to the hospital. We met with the doctor before she performed the reduction and my instinct about reducing was right… baby C had 1 in 24 chances of having Trisomy 18. I was doing the right thing and she finally said the same. The procedure itself took only a couple of minutes and wasn’t to painful at all ( a lot less than I thought). When all was said and done, my hubby and I went on a mini shopping spree to buy me some much needed maternity clothes and finally today I was pregnant and excited.. No more tears, no more sadness and I was going to have this baby in January 2014… I couldn’t wait.
3 days after the reduction, I was sitting at work and started to shake uncontrollably.. I thought I was cold so I went home at lunch and got a sweater ( mind you this was in July…) but it wasn’t helping. I called my husband at work and asked him to meet me at the hospital as I didn’t feel right. After hours of waiting, they told me I had a blood bacterial infection and it was caused from the reduction. You remember me telling you about the ladies from the group that the ladies had created, while they told me to get antibiotics from the MFM doc after the procedure but she doesn’t believe you need them so I went along with her… Who knew right, I am not a doctor and I trusted her. WELL she should have gave them to me, as I was in the hospital for 4.5 days hooked up to an IV of antibiotics then 10 days of antibiotics when I was released. My advice to you if you are going through a reduction, get the ANTIBOTICS!!!!!!!!!! IT CANT HURT YOU! FIGHT TO GET THEM!
A week passed, he was growing ( yep it is a boy!) and the heart beat was strong.. then I wiped after using the washroom and saw blood.. .WTH, you aren’t supposed to have blood… wait the MFM doc said I could bleed a bit after the procedure… OK we were OK… Well was I wrong again. That week after 2 ultrasounds, and 3 doctors’ appointments, long nights and contractions I ended up miscarrying baby a ( which we lost naturally ) and baby c (reduced baby). Baby B, my sweet precious little boy got through all this though and was still growing and had a strong heart beat. Not to mention ACTIVE – I think somersaults were his favorite.
July 29th, 2013 – Ultrasound day… walking into the room excited and coming out devastated. I was told that I was going to miscarry my sweet baby boy. He had hardly any fluid left in the placenta and was not active plus his heart beat had lowered considerably. The sadness I was feeling was overwhelming and I had no idea what I was going to do. I got home from the appointment and within an hour my water broke. I had my husband come home from work immediately. All I could say to him was that I was broken, just broken . I couldn’t handle anymore hurdles to try to jump and I needed him to make the decisions. At 7PM we went to the hospital in the labour and delivery ward where we ended up being induced the next morning, giving birth to our sweet precious little baby boy on July 31st at 5:30AM. Worst day of my ENTIRE life.
Although I still grieve the loss of my baby, I am stronger today…
6 weeks after the miscarriage, we went to our follow up appointment with our OBGYN. Come to find out the blood bacterial infection I had was in my uterus. That is right, if the MFM doctor who performed the procedure gave me a prescription for antibiotics, this may have been avoided! I can’t go back to the what if’s, but I hope that my story makes you realize how important it is… It doesn’t cost the doctor anything, so why not?
Sincerely,
I will be a mama of 2 someday
New Brunswick, Canada
**UPDATE, she is now the mom of 2!!!!!**
And then there was one...
My husband and I had reached a place where we were finally ready to add to our family – new home, a recent move to be closer to family, stable jobs, college had long been completed, we had been married for a few years and had had time to enjoy just us – travel, sports, friends, etc. We were ready for the next step and excited to add a little one to the mix. We had done everything we could think of so that we could bring a baby home into what we felt was the best situation for our family.
Little did I know the situation we (and our baby) would wind up in would be less than ideal. After going off of my birth control, I never started my period. I took a pregnancy test just in case, but deep down I knew that my history of irregular periods was just returning. Luckily, I had my annual GYN appointment shortly after. She agreed that something was not right, so we started the rounds of lab work to see what was going on. They indicated that I was not ovulating, and thus started the first round of meds.
My GYN started me on clomid, or what I referred to as “the gateway drug” (I never thought I would do fertility drugs. I always thought that if we had problems, we would just adopt. Simple, right? We quickly realized that process could be just as heartbreaking and expensive as fertility treatments, so my husband and I decided we would do whatever insurance covered (or helped cover), and if after that we still weren’t pregnant we would look into the adoption route further. ) Several rounds of clomid did nothing, so I was referred on to my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and along with that came the slew of additional labs and more “hard core” drugs. Eventually, follisitim became the drug of choice and I was finally ovulating! Our 3rd round of follistim was done in conjunction with IUI and wound up to be the magic ticket!
I was excited and in disbelief when my pregnancy test read positive! I called the RE’s office to set up our appointment to confirm the pregnancy. From the very start of my pregnancy, I felt terrible – constantly nauseous, bloated, and packed on 5lbs instantly. But hey, I was pregnant! I could deal with this. Not long before my RE appointment, I had some bleeding, so they sent me for lab work. The office called to tell me it had come back elevated – and not to be alarmed – I was still pregnant, but there was a good chance of multiples. I was secretly excited – twins would be perfect! Our family would be complete and we would never have to go through this nonsense again! How naïve I was…..
Finally, we went in to see our RE. It was Valentine’s Day, and we had a morning appointment so my husband could attend before he had to leave for a business trip. In came the Dr. with his student. He performed the ultrasound, and I could tell by the look on his face and by what I was seeing on the screen the news was not good. There were seven – yes, seven! We were all in shock – there had been nothing to indicate that there was even the slightest chance that we could wind up with this many. I knew the conversation that was going to come next – we trudged back to the RE’s office and had the discussion – selective reduction. He referred me to a local Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctor who would take it from here. Not that I was a big Valentine’s Day fan before, but it is definitely my least favorite holiday now.
We saw our MFM and they confirmed the number seven. He had never seen such a high number and referred us to a specialist 3 hours away that would be better equipped to perform the SR. The only benefit of having seven, was that there was no question in our minds that SR was the best chance for a positive outcome. The statistics for 7 were grim, at best. I have always been a big believer in quality of life over anything else, and every step of this pregnancy would prove to test those beliefs.
At 13 weeks we traveled to have our SR and couldn’t have been happier with the doctor and staff. They were so caring and sensitive to what a terrible position we were in. I left the SR carrying twins and finally feeling excited about my pregnancy. (But admit, I also felt guilty for feeling this way. I felt like a monster – I had just reduced 5 fetuses and I was happy?? I thought I would be curled up uncontrollably crying, but this was not the case) But I think this sense of relief was my gut’s way of telling me we had made the right decision.
We started to get excited and finally started to announce the twin pregnancy to family and friends. We found out later we were expecting a boy and a girl! Life couldn’t be more perfect and the SR had certainly saved these two little babes! I was content and mostly at peace.
This state of contentment was short lived, however. We found out that our baby girl was beginning to suffer from absent end diastolic flow (basically inadequate blood flow through her umbilical cord, causing not enough blood/nutrients/etc.). This caused her to become growth restricted. We were seeing the MFM twice a week for monitoring and I was eventually admitted to the hospital for more intense monitoring and to have consultations with the neonatologists so we could discuss how to progress with the pregnancy. We were given the most agonizing decision of all – deliver both babies early and risk the health of both, or continue the pregnancy knowing she would not make it. At this point, our baby girl was only measuring at 1lb, 2oz and no one could tell us what impact her impaired blood flow might have on her long term. The neonatologist even gave us the option of if I went into labor early on my own, would we want to sign a DNR on her due to her poor prognosis. I couldn’t believe we were discussing a DNR on my daughter before she was even born! But, this gave us our answer. With such a poor prognosis, we could not risk subjecting our healthy boy to such an early delivery.
We continued to follow up with the MFM regularly – often with four appointments a week. We watched our little girl slowly wither away until she passed at 29 weeks. We later realized my son was starting to show the same issues as our daughter – decreased blood flow, growth restricted, etc. He knew it was time, and at 34 ½ weeks I went into labor on my own. My son arrived weighing 3lbs, 12oz but was healthy! He spent one week in the NICU, but mostly for monitoring.
My son is now a healthy 1 year old and I couldn’t be more in love with him! I try my best to focus on him, and how lucky I am to have such a healthy little guy, but I do still struggle with every emotion I went through during this process – anger, guilt, jealousy, sadness. My heart will always struggle with the SR and the loss of our daughter, but my head knows 100% that we made the right decisions. If I couldn’t even carry a twin pregnancy, let alone one baby to term, there is no way I would have been able to have a healthy septuplet pregnancy. After all, isn’t the goal of any pregnancy to have a healthy mom and baby?
Little did I know the situation we (and our baby) would wind up in would be less than ideal. After going off of my birth control, I never started my period. I took a pregnancy test just in case, but deep down I knew that my history of irregular periods was just returning. Luckily, I had my annual GYN appointment shortly after. She agreed that something was not right, so we started the rounds of lab work to see what was going on. They indicated that I was not ovulating, and thus started the first round of meds.
My GYN started me on clomid, or what I referred to as “the gateway drug” (I never thought I would do fertility drugs. I always thought that if we had problems, we would just adopt. Simple, right? We quickly realized that process could be just as heartbreaking and expensive as fertility treatments, so my husband and I decided we would do whatever insurance covered (or helped cover), and if after that we still weren’t pregnant we would look into the adoption route further. ) Several rounds of clomid did nothing, so I was referred on to my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and along with that came the slew of additional labs and more “hard core” drugs. Eventually, follisitim became the drug of choice and I was finally ovulating! Our 3rd round of follistim was done in conjunction with IUI and wound up to be the magic ticket!
I was excited and in disbelief when my pregnancy test read positive! I called the RE’s office to set up our appointment to confirm the pregnancy. From the very start of my pregnancy, I felt terrible – constantly nauseous, bloated, and packed on 5lbs instantly. But hey, I was pregnant! I could deal with this. Not long before my RE appointment, I had some bleeding, so they sent me for lab work. The office called to tell me it had come back elevated – and not to be alarmed – I was still pregnant, but there was a good chance of multiples. I was secretly excited – twins would be perfect! Our family would be complete and we would never have to go through this nonsense again! How naïve I was…..
Finally, we went in to see our RE. It was Valentine’s Day, and we had a morning appointment so my husband could attend before he had to leave for a business trip. In came the Dr. with his student. He performed the ultrasound, and I could tell by the look on his face and by what I was seeing on the screen the news was not good. There were seven – yes, seven! We were all in shock – there had been nothing to indicate that there was even the slightest chance that we could wind up with this many. I knew the conversation that was going to come next – we trudged back to the RE’s office and had the discussion – selective reduction. He referred me to a local Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctor who would take it from here. Not that I was a big Valentine’s Day fan before, but it is definitely my least favorite holiday now.
We saw our MFM and they confirmed the number seven. He had never seen such a high number and referred us to a specialist 3 hours away that would be better equipped to perform the SR. The only benefit of having seven, was that there was no question in our minds that SR was the best chance for a positive outcome. The statistics for 7 were grim, at best. I have always been a big believer in quality of life over anything else, and every step of this pregnancy would prove to test those beliefs.
At 13 weeks we traveled to have our SR and couldn’t have been happier with the doctor and staff. They were so caring and sensitive to what a terrible position we were in. I left the SR carrying twins and finally feeling excited about my pregnancy. (But admit, I also felt guilty for feeling this way. I felt like a monster – I had just reduced 5 fetuses and I was happy?? I thought I would be curled up uncontrollably crying, but this was not the case) But I think this sense of relief was my gut’s way of telling me we had made the right decision.
We started to get excited and finally started to announce the twin pregnancy to family and friends. We found out later we were expecting a boy and a girl! Life couldn’t be more perfect and the SR had certainly saved these two little babes! I was content and mostly at peace.
This state of contentment was short lived, however. We found out that our baby girl was beginning to suffer from absent end diastolic flow (basically inadequate blood flow through her umbilical cord, causing not enough blood/nutrients/etc.). This caused her to become growth restricted. We were seeing the MFM twice a week for monitoring and I was eventually admitted to the hospital for more intense monitoring and to have consultations with the neonatologists so we could discuss how to progress with the pregnancy. We were given the most agonizing decision of all – deliver both babies early and risk the health of both, or continue the pregnancy knowing she would not make it. At this point, our baby girl was only measuring at 1lb, 2oz and no one could tell us what impact her impaired blood flow might have on her long term. The neonatologist even gave us the option of if I went into labor early on my own, would we want to sign a DNR on her due to her poor prognosis. I couldn’t believe we were discussing a DNR on my daughter before she was even born! But, this gave us our answer. With such a poor prognosis, we could not risk subjecting our healthy boy to such an early delivery.
We continued to follow up with the MFM regularly – often with four appointments a week. We watched our little girl slowly wither away until she passed at 29 weeks. We later realized my son was starting to show the same issues as our daughter – decreased blood flow, growth restricted, etc. He knew it was time, and at 34 ½ weeks I went into labor on my own. My son arrived weighing 3lbs, 12oz but was healthy! He spent one week in the NICU, but mostly for monitoring.
My son is now a healthy 1 year old and I couldn’t be more in love with him! I try my best to focus on him, and how lucky I am to have such a healthy little guy, but I do still struggle with every emotion I went through during this process – anger, guilt, jealousy, sadness. My heart will always struggle with the SR and the loss of our daughter, but my head knows 100% that we made the right decisions. If I couldn’t even carry a twin pregnancy, let alone one baby to term, there is no way I would have been able to have a healthy septuplet pregnancy. After all, isn’t the goal of any pregnancy to have a healthy mom and baby?
Losing Baby A
We began our journey in 2009 when our daughter was 3 years old. We finally felt ready to have another child so that she would have a sibling. As it would turn out, this would become difficult for us to do. We were doing “natural” IUI’s when they first discovered that my husband had a severely low sperm count. It was while I was being injected with his sperm that a nurse had told me his count was dropping according to their records) and that perhaps he should get it looked at- that maybe there was some sort of blockage. A year and a half later we discovered that blockage was testicular cancer. We were both in such denial that we probably let it go a little too long. After surgery, the Dr. said cells had entered his blood stream and he would need chemotherapy. We froze some sperm and made the decision to put everything on hold and just get through the chemo. His chemotherapy treatments went on for 6 weeks. Some sessions lasted almost 8-10 hours a day. I was the only one he allowed by his side- other than one dear friend who soon after passed away from her battle with her own cancer.
About a year later, we started medicated IUI cycles with the frozen sperm. Each cycle failed. We finally found an affordable clinic to begin IVF. We ended up with 8 Class A embryos and put 2 in. This was the number recommended by my fertility doctor because of my age (38.) We were beyond thrilled when I had a very obvious positive pregnancy test 2 weeks later.
I ended up in the ER at about 5 weeks pregnant because of bleeding and cramping. It was severe enough to make me think I was miscarrying. During my 6 hour visit to the ER, they did my very first ultrasound. That was when they discovered that we were having twins. I knew it was possible, but didn’t think we could be so lucky. I was actually afraid to tell my husband, but he handled the news better than I did. He was excited (and a little scared) to have 2 on the way. He kept saying that the 2 would complete our family.
We took a train home to visit family and friends in the mid-west over the holidays. It was time to announce! We told everyone about our 2 blessings. We shared stories, fears and excitement.
When we returned to CA it was time for me to do my blood work and the Nuchal Translucency Scan. I was almost 13 weeks along at this time and loved every chance I had to see both tiny ones in an ultrasound. I brought my mother in law with me to the NTS where I was told to have a full bladder and a positive attitude. We would know there was a complication if the technician called for the doctor. Sure enough- about 35 minutes in, she called in the doctor. At first they didn’t tell me anything and they just did “medical talk” back and forth. Finally I asked what was wrong. Unfortunately there was a list of things wrong with our little Baby A. There was a thick Nuchal fold, part of the spinal column was broken, and there was nothing holding in the organs in front of the body and in the back. Our poor baby had most of her organs outside of her little body. I honestly couldn’t see all of this in the ultrasound, but I could see where the spinal cord sort of stopped and then started back up again. I didn’t really understand what this all meant- I still thought everything would be ok, that our baby would be able to somehow recover and be healthy again. After a lot of tears and questions, we started to get ready to go. The doctor stopped me and she told me I had a choice. I still didn’t even understand that there was a need for choice- I thought our baby would be ok. She told me about selective reduction as a way to keep our other baby safe. She told me it was doubtful that Baby A would make it to term, and that put us at risk of losing the entire pregnancy. She explained to us that the procedure would be done in LA and she could arrange it quickly. I knew that I needed to selectively reduce. This was a conversation my husband and I had before even getting pregnant. We did not want to bring a baby into this world only to have her suffer through hundreds of surgeries. Furthermore, we wanted to protect our pregnancy. The decision became an obvious choice.
A couple days later we made the drive to do the SR. I remember being terrified and very sad. I was worried about the pain of the procedure, the safety for our healthy baby, and I was devastated to say goodbye to Baby A- it just didn’t seem real. As I write this with tears spilling down my face, it still feels impossible that I ever had to say goodbye to our baby. But, we did.
The procedure was not as painful as I feared, but it was very emotional for my husband and I. My husband took one last look at our Baby A and he told me he had no doubt that this was the right decision. He said that it was shocking to see how “unhealthy” our little Baby A was. We were protecting her, our family, and Baby B. We also went ahead and did CVS testing on Baby B who turned out to be a very healthy baby boy. We decided against CVS testing on Baby A because our Dr. really felt strongly that it wasn’t genetic- instead it was something that just happens.
I spoke with our minister later about the morality of what we had done. I never imagined being in such a position and I was still doubtful of our decision. She hugged me and said, “You did what you needed to do. Don’t look at it as taking something away- look at it as giving her back. You gave her back up.” With that, she raised her arms up towards the sky and I knew she was right.
We now have an amazing baby boy. Our family is doing great and we feel very content. I think nearly everyday how different things could be for us right now if Baby A made it to term. Whether it be a loss at the time of a healthy birth, or the need for hundreds of surgeries while our family is turned upside down with hospital visits- and hospital bills. Our world could be so very different from what it is today. And as difficult as it was to decide to do SR, whenever I think of that other world, I can’t help to think of how blessed we are to be in this world.
About a year later, we started medicated IUI cycles with the frozen sperm. Each cycle failed. We finally found an affordable clinic to begin IVF. We ended up with 8 Class A embryos and put 2 in. This was the number recommended by my fertility doctor because of my age (38.) We were beyond thrilled when I had a very obvious positive pregnancy test 2 weeks later.
I ended up in the ER at about 5 weeks pregnant because of bleeding and cramping. It was severe enough to make me think I was miscarrying. During my 6 hour visit to the ER, they did my very first ultrasound. That was when they discovered that we were having twins. I knew it was possible, but didn’t think we could be so lucky. I was actually afraid to tell my husband, but he handled the news better than I did. He was excited (and a little scared) to have 2 on the way. He kept saying that the 2 would complete our family.
We took a train home to visit family and friends in the mid-west over the holidays. It was time to announce! We told everyone about our 2 blessings. We shared stories, fears and excitement.
When we returned to CA it was time for me to do my blood work and the Nuchal Translucency Scan. I was almost 13 weeks along at this time and loved every chance I had to see both tiny ones in an ultrasound. I brought my mother in law with me to the NTS where I was told to have a full bladder and a positive attitude. We would know there was a complication if the technician called for the doctor. Sure enough- about 35 minutes in, she called in the doctor. At first they didn’t tell me anything and they just did “medical talk” back and forth. Finally I asked what was wrong. Unfortunately there was a list of things wrong with our little Baby A. There was a thick Nuchal fold, part of the spinal column was broken, and there was nothing holding in the organs in front of the body and in the back. Our poor baby had most of her organs outside of her little body. I honestly couldn’t see all of this in the ultrasound, but I could see where the spinal cord sort of stopped and then started back up again. I didn’t really understand what this all meant- I still thought everything would be ok, that our baby would be able to somehow recover and be healthy again. After a lot of tears and questions, we started to get ready to go. The doctor stopped me and she told me I had a choice. I still didn’t even understand that there was a need for choice- I thought our baby would be ok. She told me about selective reduction as a way to keep our other baby safe. She told me it was doubtful that Baby A would make it to term, and that put us at risk of losing the entire pregnancy. She explained to us that the procedure would be done in LA and she could arrange it quickly. I knew that I needed to selectively reduce. This was a conversation my husband and I had before even getting pregnant. We did not want to bring a baby into this world only to have her suffer through hundreds of surgeries. Furthermore, we wanted to protect our pregnancy. The decision became an obvious choice.
A couple days later we made the drive to do the SR. I remember being terrified and very sad. I was worried about the pain of the procedure, the safety for our healthy baby, and I was devastated to say goodbye to Baby A- it just didn’t seem real. As I write this with tears spilling down my face, it still feels impossible that I ever had to say goodbye to our baby. But, we did.
The procedure was not as painful as I feared, but it was very emotional for my husband and I. My husband took one last look at our Baby A and he told me he had no doubt that this was the right decision. He said that it was shocking to see how “unhealthy” our little Baby A was. We were protecting her, our family, and Baby B. We also went ahead and did CVS testing on Baby B who turned out to be a very healthy baby boy. We decided against CVS testing on Baby A because our Dr. really felt strongly that it wasn’t genetic- instead it was something that just happens.
I spoke with our minister later about the morality of what we had done. I never imagined being in such a position and I was still doubtful of our decision. She hugged me and said, “You did what you needed to do. Don’t look at it as taking something away- look at it as giving her back. You gave her back up.” With that, she raised her arms up towards the sky and I knew she was right.
We now have an amazing baby boy. Our family is doing great and we feel very content. I think nearly everyday how different things could be for us right now if Baby A made it to term. Whether it be a loss at the time of a healthy birth, or the need for hundreds of surgeries while our family is turned upside down with hospital visits- and hospital bills. Our world could be so very different from what it is today. And as difficult as it was to decide to do SR, whenever I think of that other world, I can’t help to think of how blessed we are to be in this world.